ALL IN - 6-12months OUT - complete hamstrings avulsion

it was the day i waited for such a long time to come up there at sustenpass - and i was soooooooooooo close. but now i am sitting and lying around all day long, waiting for surgery and barely able to walk on crutches - and that will not change for the next two to three months...

15C in the shade at 5pm, 10%humidity and slight wind, it was perfect friction and conditions for the "highlander"!!! warming up on the standingstart it felt like climbing in a dream; my fingertips seemed to glue on the holds, to moves felt effortless like never before... i knew this would be MY day, if i just would have felt completley fresh. despite two full restdays i still felt bit tired from my desperate attempts on the "wet" "riont act" back at frankenjura. but the friction was so great i had to give it at least a go.

arriving at the first crux i could not believe why i was not sliding a tiny bit around on that bad sloper. climbing into the startingmoves of "traumland" (where i fell for 3weeks in a row, 3days a week) i just pulled through it nearly statically, even wondering while doing the move why i fell so many times here, everything was under control. then i was on my way into the real crux. climbed the tricky section without loosing any foothold, but i felt like i started sliding around a bit on the holds (no way to chalck), and that i was getting a bit tired - but two moves from the rescue-jugs no wonder... - i put my heel high up, could still feel the holds (no frozen fingers like last year) and this time i was 100% sure to pull through that last two moves. i gave all i had and went for that crimp and as my fingertips touched it, i slipped bit with my left hand (crumbling hold) and i felt like my hamstrings, under full pressure just gave way - instead of going for that last move and finishing that epic battle,  i went down to the pads with instant and growing pain... - i instantly knew, that it was something serious...

 better don't heel here... can ruin your climbing-life....

...next day it was on the the hospital to check how bad the injury was. and it turned out to be REALLY bad. mri showed that i managed to rip off 2 of 3 hamstrings. thats a very rare and serious injury that needs surgery (even if you want to continue with "regular" sports) and has a very long (up to 12months) and painful rehaprocess and there is no guarantee that i will be able to come back to where i was... i am scared as shit from that surgery and rehaprocess (weeks of just lying around and NO activity at all...) and wanted to avoid it at any price. but during research i had to learn it would be the only way to to give me a proper chance to climb and boulder again.
at least i have a proper diagnosis (many people are diagnosed wrongly for months or years!!!), but the problem is now to find an experienced surgeon (as the injury is so rare...) in the next two weeks as surgery should be as soon as possible to avoid any further damage and to secure a good result.

they say here you can see the ripped off ligaments...????
i can't see but FEEL the damage at my but ALL day long...

i had some injuries before, but that one is the first really threatening one of the most important things in my life; to be able to MOVE.... but i  can't change what happened. and as i have a chance to come back to where i was, and to be able to MOVE around again, i will give everything to catch that one chance for sure!!!

.... if i am lucky and surgery goes well, i will be back next summer or the summer after. i will not hurt myself again, as i have other (but harder) beta for THAT MOVE who sent me to surgery. i will train my ass off, i will be strong as never before and then i will cruise that "highlander" to the top - victory will taste as sweet as never before... - but  the real battle has just begun and will be the next 6months for me... i am just hating myself that it always and everywhere has to be "the hard way...." - may i should a bit relax, i am just not 15 anymore... ;)

update monday: surgery is scheduled for thursday (thats good news as surgery should be asp to have good results)

so close :(

pumped with ibuprofen - 2hrs after i ripped my hamstrings apart on the way of sending the "highlander"...

spent the day in the hospital for some checks, tomorrow i will know if i am out for 6-8weeks or for 4-6months... or more...

update tuesday: looks complicated, another doc needs to check the results of the tests, more info tomorrow..

update thursday: still not clear what way it will go, but its tending heavily towards surgery.... i was digging deep into medical papers the last two days.... so more into direction of 6-12months till full recovery/power... with a not unlikely risk (whatever treatment) of never beeing able to hook properly anymore... (i will keep my fingers crossed!!!)

crazy days

frankenjura was in its prime; dry for 4days, sunny, warm, beautiful colored trees, nice people, nice food, nice beer..

in the pics two things that i really love about frankenjura... ;)

but somehow the holds on the boulder i was there for seemed to ignore the dry days completely. i climbed on it twice in greasy/wet conditions and consequently kept sliding off the holds before and in the crux. after three restdays i was there again, holds underneath the roof still wet and the holds lefthand greasy like hell. but hey; when this things is dry everybody can climb it, so on i went to battle it down... ;) BUT reality took me back immediately; i barley managed to do the standstart, kept sliding off every hold, at one point i was not able to make one single move anymore. to make things worse the rubber of my right-heel started to "peel" off and i was not able to heel properly anymore. in a boulder where i do 11 out of 12moves out of (double) hooks not soooo god news... at that point, every rational (boulder) human beeing would have had called it a day. BUT hey, if you don't try you will never know if it may.... so i went on to cut that part of the rubber off and set off for a final go. somehow i made it into the crux, ignoring the grease, pulled through the crux, felt ok - and then i fell on the second last move thanks to a sliding heel (like 4years ago...!!!). bareley able to move anymore. every part of my body seemed destroyed, my stomach muscles are still totally destroyed. so at least i had given it a 150% and against the odds i was damn close...

lost my left heel afterwards.... bummer!!!!!!!
this "riot act" drives me crazy and it is a good example that "close" means nothing - until you send...

right after i went down to the pads i got an sms from my friend ronny from swizzy telling me that the snow was all gone at sustenpass, that the forecast looked warm and dry and windy. ronny had even checked to holds on the highlander and he told me that it was mostly dry. that was great news, BIG THANX ronny!!!

4days - can you believe it???!!!

but on the other hand i was so close on riot act. i felt strong on compression again, had all the beta details and i felt ready to send. the forecast looked nice for franken as well, one restday and then the go for the send.... the "carrot" was hanging again in front of my nose... i was pretty sure i had a good chance... BUT it seemed like a final window had opened for me to give the last few burns for this season (for the next 7months...) on the "highlander" at sustenpass... so the gamble was on, what to do?

the next day was spent with great route-climbing in the sun, then we packed our stuff and headed home, going for that final 2days of the season at the "highlander"... can't wait to touch that holds after a 2weeks break - a muerte... ;)

"highlander" is calling for the season-end-battle... - will i ever get that next move?!
if not tomorrow i will get it another day... WORD!!!

but i will back at riot act, its just too good and i was just too close to let that carrot go!!!

haunted by the wetness

finally the weather i hoped for and which i needed so much arrived.... since one month (or more) i am waiting for more then 2dry days in a row so that the cruxholds on the "highlander" would finally dry (they have been totally dry for ONE single day this season...). so the forecast looks great, like never before this season!!!

and its also getting warmer again and windy so that would be just PERFECT, especially as i have another week of holidays left. BUT there is this little nasty detail which is looking amazing in pictures, but not so amazing to climb at...

sustenpass area DUMPED with snow

this "mess" will make all these nice days that will come "useless", but if i am lucky we will get a dry and "warm" november so i may get another chance up there. otherwise i will have to wait for another 7months... so while that snow will melt i spend my remaining holidays with meeting friends, drinking nice beer (and some climbing as well ;) in the frankenjura.

i already tried this super nice compression-prow in spring and late summer, came very close, but two climbing days were just not enough for me to finish it up. so now i have more time and that should be all i need here - was what i was thinking before we arrived....

super nice compression-climbing on "riot act, 8B+" ---- if the holds for the righthand would be dry as in summer...

the weather is better then at home, but no need to say that i went already 6times down thanks to completely seeping (from the inside) wet holds.... it's a permanent struggle to climb faster then you slide out of the holds. i tried everything from a ton of toilet paper, alufoil, climbingtape, ducttape (is this cheating already?!). i am close on every try but keep sliding off the cruxhold before-, in-, and after the crux..., thats crazy because its a really BIG hold... -  but i will do it like the locals here; taking another beer - that helps no matter what problem you are struggling with... ;)

FA of "kein schneehäschen, 8B/B+"

....or who needs 7:30hours for a warmup???!!!

i just had one of my strangest climbing-days ever, every principle of "training" seemed out of place....

after the last session on the "highlander", when i felt kind of tired i took 4 days off to be fully recovered, .... well i managed again to go down twice on the traumland-crux-move... it seems i can do what ever i want to, 1restday, 2,3,4 doesn't matter. i can climb through that move and finish my project from 2moves in for 3times a day but somehow just don't get through THAT move anymore.... (ok, may if the holds would be dry and not wet/greasy it would help as well).

i then worked again on that trauland-move to may find a bit easier beta... i can do that move in 5different ways but not one really works well (enough when coming in from the highlanderstart) and it just seems i have to stick to my old beta... may take a bit more time and precision to execute that move....

going for the last hard move on the FA of "kein schneehäschen". pic © angelawagner.ch

then i took a big rest and waited for my friend ronny to join me on the "schneehäschen-project". after he arrived i went on for a try, fell down as a heel slipped. chalcked up again, did not let go on the last move as two days before and sent... HAPPY TIMES and the FA of "kein schneehäschen". to give a bit of a "contrast" to the name of the problem to the right which is called "pitbull" i gave my new problem the name "kein schneehäschen" what means something like "this ain't a babysnowrabbit" ;)
grade should be somewhere between 8B and 8B+, but may its just 7C (for a 2m guy as its super morpho...) i have no clue - as always - but what i know is that its a perfect 9-power-compression-mover straight to the top - will get a classic for sure!!!
its funny that i was not able to do that one last fall when i was climbing 3times a day into the last hard move the "highlander", and now i can do do that one but can not climb into the last hard move of the highlander anymore...

ronny then worked the moves as well and did look good for a first session. after that i wanted to make some "endurance-training" on the "highlander" and started from two hard moves in and then the "shock"...; the traumland-cruxmove who just shot me down some 3hours before suddenly felt totally controlled, like it would never be a problem at all. WTF???!!! and then it got even better. on the 7A/B exit-moves i normally have to fight like hell when i arrive tired. i nearly loose the holds and my shoulder feels like to explode. and now i was so solid on that moves i could have winked in a camera on every move...

you still need some bodytension to go for the topout of the "kein schneehäschen". pic © angelawagner.ch

...i just did not understand anything anymore. 7:30hours after i started my warmmup, after climbing the standing-start of the highlander (~8A), after going down 2times at the end of the underclingmove (twice an ~8B), after checking out beta on the cruxmove again, after making the FA on "kein schneehäschen, 8B/+" i just did that hard moves/sequence on the "highlander" so easy???!!! i then really opted for another go from the sds. but i felt so trashed that i put my stuff together and hiked down to ronny. he was working the moves of a possible low-start to "rejkavik, 8A+/B", which he had just climbed from the original start some days ago. he made it once into the standing-start but fell after... next time ronny!!! this will be a great addition as it somehow completes the line - can't wait to try it!


---------------------------

2days later on the "highlander":
i finally made it through the traumland-cruxmove again (for the first time since 3weeks), i was already 90%sure i would send, then on the second last move  i lost a toehook and while trying to controll the swing i lost the grip on the holds and went down.....

.... that seemed like perfect timing as i have two weeks of holidays in front of me and so finally chance for proper recovery (eg. sleep well and enough). that should be enough "booster" to bring me that little bit of extra-power to finish the "highlander" up. but after we had the best fall ever last year, the weather seems to compensate this year.... check the weatherforecast: its is supposed to rain heavy and its getting cold, not what i was looking for....

...story to be continued....

flop and top...

well nearly top....

thanks to humid holds, not enough sleep and a general feeling of beeing tired and weakness i did not made it through the first crux-move of the "highlander" once again...

so its three weeks since i made i through that move. i feel stronger then when i made it through it, but i somehow just don't get it anymore together when arriving there from the start. that fact slowly starts to be annoying to say at least. 3days before i was up there with just one restday, felt not too strong, but climbed strong: i climbed the rig three times from just two semi-hard moves in and now with 2full restdays - nothing again. well it looks i may just "over-did-it" last time and the specific muscles were still tired....

setting up for the crux-sequence of the "schneehasi"-project at sustenpass

...after failing three times on that f**king crux-move, i rested a bit and went 3m to the left. the "schneehasi-project" is still waiting for its FA. i tried that one the last few days last december in really good conditions and in great shape but was not able to finish it up. it felt like hard, may something in the 8B+ area.... it's basically just 4hard moves. so after four weeks now of just doing "power-endurance" on the "highlander-project" i wanted to have a look at my max-power which i was sure was pretty low by now. i tried the single moves of the "schneehasi" and they did not feel too bad. i rested again and wanted to go once for the standing-start but just out of a joke went for the sds. to my greatest surprise all the holds seemed at least 50% closer then last fall and i nearly sent it, just failing very close on the last hard move. so i am not totally unfit and that was a GREAT surprise, but on the other hand so typical for me; nice effort, but failing very close....

it feels like its turning into another "catch-the-carrot-scenario" up there... but hey; the last carrot i finally picked and i will pick these two as well. WORD ;)

2mm... its all what makes the difference!

scottish very strong men dave mac leod just sent his latest project at his home crag. it looks incredibly hard and super cool as well. he named the route "fight the feeling". the name is about the process he had to go trough to finally succeed. "fight the feeling" is perfectly what you have to battle with when you start to try very hard for quite some time. to cope with this ups and downs, weather, conditions, work, daily life, climbing a new highpoint just to fail way lower the next day... to think you get weaker and are unfit when you fail lower then your highpoint.... thats what climbing at your limit really means - from a certain point on it's more about your head then about the muscle power!

i really like to read his blog and i am thankful for his reminder, cause i am in the middle of a "fight the feeling" as well. is it a coincidence that a scottish climber named macleod brings that topic on the table when i am fighting to get my fat ass up my "highlanderproject" at sustenpass... - great timing for me for sure..., as i just last week was sure i may will never get strong enough and may will never climb that line at all... - i just was not able to climb the hard "traumlandmove" on link again. something felt wrong, but i did the move perfectly the same way as every time..., was i just too week, not in shape, bad conditions, too warm, to soft skin, not rested well.... 

the nasty "crux-move" that suddenly felt impossible.... 2mm of rubber less on my right toe was the solution.... ;)

back home while taking a shower and thinking back at my "highlander-sessions" from last fall i suddenly got what i was missing: last year i once tried that "crux-move" with a new shoe and was absolutely not able to do it anymore. i changed to my "warmup"-shoe and just did it easily. the new shoe just had too much rubber on the toe, it was too stiff and so i was unable to pull in myself in enough with my right toe to get weight on that nasty undercling. 

the next day i went to my friend alex from the resoling-team at gecko, he sanded down the rubber till it was nicely thin and flexible. he was just laughing at me cause i was the first guy who wanted him to take rubber OFF a shoe... ;)

one day later, after work i went quickly up to sustenpass to have a look if i had been right about the rubber-beta. despite i still felt totally sore from the weekend-tries (warmupboulders felt horrible), the "traumland-cruxmove" went super good! finally it felt the same as last year and i climbed solid through the "highlander" 3times from 2hard moves in...  - no need to say i had a BIG smile on my face - 2mm less of rubber was all i needed... crazy ;) on the one hand i was annoyed that i "wasted" 2weeks of climbing up there because of such a stupid error, on the other hand i was glad i remembered that important detail just in time before it may gets already too cold for me... so  BACK IN THE GAME I AM.... ;)

lovely sustenpass before the snow hit... ;)